Maria is a channeler, acupuncturist and contributor to our Gaia Blog, and this is one of an ongoing series on self-care.
My last post on self-care focused on ways to remain our first priority when we’re feeling over-extended or fatigued.
Today I want to talk about self-acceptance.
This is a completely over-used phrase, right? We already know accepting self is a key piece in happiness, life balance, and feeling whole.
And with all the changes going on in the world, we could all use a bit more happiness and balance in our lives.
Here’s the thing, though: I’m not sure we really have a good model on HOW to do this.
Many of us are trying to rationalize or convince ourselves that we are accepting where we’re at. For example, we’ll make lists of our achievements to anchor ourselves, and we’ll spend time with our supportive family and friends who remind us how fab we are.
I don’t know about you, but this doesn’t work very well for me.
It’s only a (brief) matter of time before the self-criticism starts back up, the “should’s,” the “why didn’t I’s,” and on and on…
Rationalizing that we SHOULD be accepting ourselves is not very effective.
So what is? What is a productive behavior in this process of self-love?
Drop the comparisons.
If we’re comparing ourselves to others (positively OR negatively), we are simply not accepting where we’re at.
It doesn’t matter what other people in our field, our age group, or our neighborhood are doing. We’re all on our own timeline, making our own decisions, and living our lives based on sometimes very different parameters.
Someone else’s successes or failures have absolutely no bearing on where we’re at.
If we’re consistently comparing ourselves to others (again, positively or negatively), perhaps its time to look within.
Are you living a life you enjoy and feel accomplished in? Are you living in a way that showcases your personal code of ethics, or your standards, or your integrity?
(You’re the only one who gets to decide what that looks like, for you.)
If you’re not, that could be enticing you to look outside of yourself for validation (comparing yourself to those who don’t appear to be doing as well) or for excuses to beat yourself up (comparing yourself to people who seem more successful/attractive/happier/whatever).
If you’re having a tough time breaking the comparison habit, focus on YOU, and ask yourself these questions:
1. How are you looking to feel? (Big question, there!)
2. What are you doing/can you do to create this feeling for yourself?
3. What steps can you take to start/continue/fast-forward this process?
This is a concrete step to help you stop comparing, get focused on what’s important (YOU!), and continue moving towards the goal of self-acceptance.
It’s really important to remember that we can accept our current self, and where we are, all the while recognizing we may want something different for ourselves. It is NOT required that we be exactly where we want to be in life.
Self-acceptance is a journey we’re all sharing. I hope this month brings you a little closer to your destination…
Maria channels, blogs, and helps you let go of the old to make room for the new at www.mariachanneling.com